There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
