just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
