Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
two words: eviction party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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