I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
