it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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