I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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