apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
