Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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