I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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