If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't deserve a penis
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
