I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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