Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
