who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
