um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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