It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
