Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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