Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.