so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
