one two three fourrrrnication!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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