apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
