I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
