my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know her cup size but not her name....
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