I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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