Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize