Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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