btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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