halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
