She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
