So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
