Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
