dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
