we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
