i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
