so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
