I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
