Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to make a zoo with you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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