found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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