i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
