So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
