Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
