Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
