forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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