i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
