meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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