Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
