who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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