Your dad touched me again.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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