Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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