My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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