Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
