I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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