i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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