kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
