I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
