id be glad to
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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