Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
