That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
