I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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